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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking through the school like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|